Last year ended a show that’s been a part of my life for the
past 5 years. It showed me an example of what my life might look like in the
future and reflected a lot of things about my life in the present: The Fosters
When I was a little girl up into my teen years all my dreams
ended at college. It’s as if my imagination couldn’t get past this experience
because nobody I knew intimately had done it. I don’t think I dreamed much
about having a family of my own. I didn’t obsess about my wedding or the
perfect partner. I just focused on being a good girl, making my parents proud
and getting to college.
At one point I remember saying that I guess I would marry a
guy in the military. All I knew about adult life was military life. I figured
being a military wife like my mom would probably be a good idea given that the
military provides a built in infrastructure of health care, housing and
community. I understood even as a very young person that these things were
vital to a “good” adult life.
Once I got to college I started meeting new people. Adults
that had very different lives than my parents: professors, staff at the
University and the parents and siblings of my new friends. The life of a
military wife was swiftly swept off the table.
But once I graduated nothing really replaced it…for 5 years
I had no vision for my future. I understand that might sound dramatic but it
really is true—I didn’t know where to go after college, what I was supposed to
do, how I could achieve something different with no models and few mentors
other than professors (who I couldn’t completely emulate as no PhD program
would have me).
In 2013, the year Mary and I got married, The Fosters
premiered. The story of an interracial lesbian couple and their MANY children.
It was marketed to teens (never a deterrent for me and Mary) but instantly
spoke to me.
For the next 5 years I would watch in awe as two women loved
each other fiercely, held the lives and hearts of their children so tenderly
and grew their own careers and passions. If you asked a teen what The Fosters
was about they might talk about the kids of the show 5—YES 5 teens that spanned
a range of races, sexualities, genders and abilities. They’d say that it was
Callie, Jude, Brandon, Jesus or Mariana that they related most to—or a mix of
all of them. And as much as I loved to watch the teen drama of the 5 Fosters
kids from failed romances to first queer loves and best friend fights it was
their moms that changed everything for me.
I finally got to watch something that rang true for me—all
of me. The queer, multiracial, black woman who cares about young people and
wants so much to contribute in some way to moving the needle of progress
forward.
That was Lena, with her big hair, long limbs and huge heart.
This blog continues to be about representation even though
that wasn’t the initial reason I started it. But media has been everything to
me. TV, pop music, YA books, magazines, movies were my babysitters and my best
friends and 90% of what I listened to, read about, watched had NOTHING to do
with my life. As an adult I thought that would matter less but I can tell you
definitively that it does not.
And so without realizing it I started to picture Mary and I
in our cute bungalow with our collection of babies sitting at the kitchen
island for dinner, folding them into a mama sandwich when being a kid becomes
too much to bear, running around in the morning making sure everyone has what
they need for a busy day at work and school. All of these images playing to The
Fosters theme song
“It’s not where you come from, it’s where you belong. There’s nothing I would change. I wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re surrounded by love and you’re wanted, so never feel alone. You are home to me, right where you belong.”
And still with those dreams in my head I feel sad for those 5
years before I found The Fosters. Those years that I didn’t know what I was
supposed to be doing—where I was running from my queerness, trying to prove I was
good enough to have a career, a partner, an adult life. It wasn’t the glamorous
mix of parties, hook-ups, happy hours and promotions that every piece of media
said it would be. It was scary and I sucked and I was lonely.
In comes Good Trouble—The Fosters spin off that premieres in
just a few days! The story of Lena and Steph’s daughters post-grad trying to
figure out what the hell being an adult is all about in all it’s messy,
non-glamorous, you suck at your job and nobody cares about you glory. I mean,
it’s kinda glamorous because the main actors are super hot and their costars
are super hot but you get what I mean. I can’t wait to watch them try to figure
life out. And of course watch
their mamas cheering them on. You guys I literally can’t wait. After watching
the full trailer a few weeks ago Callie’s voice declares “We’re Adams-Fosters,
we don’t give up” and I totally lost it.
“We’re Adams-Fosters, we don’t give up”
I guess that’s the new dream—raising amazing adults who go
out there, fuck up, have fun and know that their mamas are always there.
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