Top 5 Reason's Having a Childhood BFF as an Adult is the B.

Today is my oldest BFFs birthday, this post is in honor of her and all of our memories together.

HBD Erika San!

5. They were there for your "firsts." 

First kiss, first period, first relationship, first heartbreak. These things are monumental and chances are your BFF was there for a lot if not all of them. Not only can they recall that these things happened but they probably know the sordid and inevitably embarrassing details. Hell, they were probably the person you called, texted, or if you're a teen now, snapped seconds after it happened.

4. They know your childhood crushes and frenemies by first AND last name

What is it about grade school and referring to everybody by their first and last names, or even worse, first name, last initial? Regardless, your childhood BFF can easily recall the FULL names of the people your heart exploded for and your fists clenched for. As your #2 they were right there passing the "do you like me too?" note on one side and giving some serious side eye on the other side because--solidarity sister!

3. They know your family REALLY well

I don't know about you but I LOVED sleepovers. I particularly loved sleepovers at my house. What's not to love, your friend comes over and doesn't leave for a whole day??? Luckily I have achieved my ultimate dream of a 24/7 sleepover with my wife. But before there was Mary and Fergus there was Erika with a Roxy overnight bag full of PJs and toiletries ready to eat Boba and Costco pizza to our hearts content while watching A Walk to Remember. When you basically live part-time at someone else's house you get to know their family and their lives. She knew that we always had Diet Sprite in the fridge for a quick spritzer and that my mom would come annoy us a million times. She knew that she's be awaken by the sound of my birds screeching at 7am and my dad mowing the lawn on Sunday morning in a wicker sun hat. And I knew that I could always count on her mom to take us to Ala Moana and leave us alone (she's so lucky).

2. You don't have to explain

It's nice to know that you don't have to say more than "remember that time..." to be met with "OMG...YES!" When me and my BFF get together we go through about 4 different languages and talk about all the hilarious not-quite-adventures we had as teens. This applies to any present day issues too. If something crazy happens with your family there's no need to go into the background of what led up to it all, they know the story and why it's so important.

1. They've seen your growth

It is amazing how much growth my BFF and I have made throughout our 20+ years of friendship. We started out as shy over-achieving kids  (note the below photo of elementary school Student Council) and have grown into pretty fierce and probably still over-achieving women. We've seen our values change and reform, our careers develop and our personalities blossom. Even your parents can't appreciate the way you've grown like a peer can and that's what's great about BFFs. They can look at you & vice versa in this really awe-inspired way. Imagine how much you'll get to witness and be a part of in a lifetime of friendship!

 

from '96 to 2017 <3

The Price of Empowerment: Buying #LikeAGirl

Don’t be ashamed to play like a girl. Do you’re part to end the wage gap.

If you watch way too much TV like I do you might have seen these commercials pop up in the middle of a binge of The Kardashians or Teen Mom, you know, chick TV.  I remember posting this Always commercial on Facebook and feeling happy that something like it existed in the world. A national campaign that asked young girls what they thought about their lives, what a concept! And then I realized that this wasn’t about feeling empowered necessarily, it was about selling me something.

Selling me something I actually need because I am a girl, with a period. Before we get too deep, just a friendly reminder that not all girls/women have periods and not all people with periods are women, I've tried to make pronouns reflect this but am open to any feedback if I missed something. Sometime in the 2000’s menstruation product commercials went from shots of how absorbent the product is (because you know they have to actually soak up blood because--periods) to this semi-feminist style think piece that actually doesn’t talk about periods at all. It seems like that would be a good shift, to make the commercials more empowering but when you look a little closer you’ll notice that they have some other side effects, like solidifying that periods are something you want to hide, fix and make less inconvenient. This underplaying difference is something I’ll call the “just because” argument and it doesn’t really get at the heart of any of this stuff. “Just because” I’m a girl doesn’t mean I can’t be fast. “Just because” I have my period doesn’t mean I can’t be an Olympic swimmer. The issue is that sometimes being a girl DOES mean those things because of sexism.

Eradicating inequality isn’t a matter of confidence. Did you know that sexism is even imprinted in our bones? Kids raised as girls aren’t encouraged to run and play in the same way kids raised as boys are and that fact can make the former's bones more fragile, and YES, can even make us slower at running. Instead of acting like sexism is just semantics, something to rise above, the bully that you should just ignore, let's start talking about the real systemic reasons and lived realities of it.

Now let’s move on to the next clip. The first time I saw this Secret commercial my reaction was something like boiling anger. I couldn’t figure it out. It seemed like a commercial I’d be down with, women being brave and empowered in the face of sexism. And then I realized, this commercial was basically saying that women are responsible for their own oppression. If you don’t get it together and ask for the raise then you are contributing to the wage gap and that’s oppressing yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very aware that if the oppressed just waited around for the oppressors to find their humanity and stop being the worst, we’d never get anywhere. But to use inequality to first, shame me into doing something that may actually risk my job because OF SEXISM (literally women get fired for asking for raises so not actually just in our heads…) and second SELL ME SOMETHING (at an unnecessarily high price) is so fucking upsetting I can’t even deal.

I keep mentioning the financial aspect of each of these things because sexism shows up wherever there’s power and as we all know too well, money is power. 

Menstruation products are still taxed in 38 out of 50 states (California included) as “luxury” items in many states, not to mention the fact that buying these things are an extra expense only part of the population has to deal with. Ever heard of the Pink Tax? Secret and other “women’s” hygiene products are much more expensive than their counterparts marketed toward men. That clear light blue container must be so much more expensive to the manufacturer than the opaque black.

The moral of the story is that if you’re looking for empowerment in a Capitalist system you’ll be looking for a long time while working your ass off for no money and going broke in the process, #LikeAGirl.

Wanna do something? Save some dough with these alternatives“man products” and then use what you saved to buy pads to donate to local homeless shelters. Or get your tampons through Conscious Period a women owned company with organic cotton products and an awesome mission. For every box of tampons you buy, they will donate pads to shelters so that homeless folks with periods have access to the products they need. Finally, if you live in California like me, pay attention to the legislation on the “tampon tax” and vote when it’s time.

And special shout out to my bestie Erika who found out her colleague who’s a man was getting paid more than her, marched into her bosses office and got PAID.